8 Ways to Sleep Better When You’re Grieving

Grief often disrupts sleep through stress, sadness, intrusive thoughts, schedule changes, and nighttime awakenings. Gentle routines, regular wake times, daytime light and activity, and support from trusted people can help provide structure while the nervous system adjusts. If insomnia, depression, or safety concerns become severe or persistent, professional support is important.

More of us than usual in a typical year have lost loved ones in the COVID-19 pandemic. As anyone who has ever grieved before knows, grief can seriously disrupt your sleep. And when you can’t get the sleep you need to stay physically and emotionally well, the difficult feelings that accompany grief can become overwhelming.

So how does grief affect sleep—and what can you do about it to ensure you’re able to be present to your grief while not being consumed by it? Here’s what you need to know. 

What the research says

Scientific literature reinforces how deeply grief alters both our physical biology and our mental processing during rest:

• The cause and nature of loss: The cause of a loved one’s death plays a major role in how grief unfolds. A suicide death, for example, can be particularly traumatic for survivors, compounded by social stigma that makes it hard to reach out to others for support.
• Loss of a spouse: Losing a partner is one of the single largest sleep disruptors and is highly associated with chronic insomnia. Studies by Rice University and Northwestern University found that recently widowed individuals were two to three times more likely to experience elevated inflammation due to sleep disturbances. Chronic inflammation is linked to increased cardiovascular risk and other negative physical health outcomes.
• Loss of a parent in childhood: Losing a parent is painful at any age, but research shows younger children face higher risks of depression. An estimated 1 in 20 children under age 15 will develop a mental health challenge following the loss of a parent.
• The cycle of grief and insomnia: Kristi Hugstad, grief recovery specialist and host of The Grief Girl, notes in HuffPost:“Sleep is crucial for healing—both emotionally and physically, and it’s important to remember that grief can be as physically debilitating as it is emotionally.”

What you can do

While grief is natural, taking small, intentional actions can help quiet your nervous system and promote better rest.

General healthy sleep habits

Grief specialist Kristi Hugstad offers these practical tips to support nighttime rest:

• Prepare your bedroom: Keep the sleeping environment cool, dark, and quiet.
• Consult your doctor: Request a complete blood panel to check for underlying vitamin or hormone deficiencies that could compound fatigue.
• Maintain consistency: Stick to a regular bedtime and wake-up routine to anchor your circadian rhythm.
• Mind your intake: Avoid alcohol and caffeine after 3 p.m.
• Incorporate gentle movement: Practice pre-bed relaxation exercises, such as gentle yoga, deep breathing exercises, or mindfulness meditation.

Coping with unique or complicated losses

Santa Monica, Calif.-based grief therapist Sandra Jacoby Klein, LMFT and author of Heavenly Hurts: Surviving AIDS-Related Deaths and Losses, points out that losses during events like the COVID-19 pandemic bring unique complications: isolation from support systems, inability to say goodbye in person, or financial instability.

Klein suggests these specialized steps for managing intrusive bedtime thoughts:

• Keep a pre-sleep journal: Talk to the person who died before you try to sleep. Write down your thoughts in a notebook to transfer them out of your mind, reducing nighttime rumination.
• Use a comfort object: Keep a comforting item that belonged to the deceased nearby or in bed with you.
• Practice comforting visualization: Visualize a favorite shared place or activity that brought you feelings of closeness and peace.

When to seek help

While acute grief usually begins to soften over time, everyone heals at their own pace. However, when sleep disruption and painful emotions remain severe without relief, extra clinical support may be necessary.

• Prolonged or complicated grief: Although acute grief typically begins to subside within six months, an estimated 7% to 20% of grieving individuals experience prolonged, intense, and disabling symptoms—often referred to as complicated grief, traumatic grief, or prolonged grief disorder. People with prior unaddressed losses may be at higher risk.
• Signs it’s time to reach out: Consider consulting a healthcare provider or a licensed mental health professional if you experience:
  • Persistent insomnia or chronic nightmare distress lasting longer than several weeks
  • Inability to manage basic daily activities, such as eating or hygiene
  • Deep depression, panic attacks, or persistent feelings of detachment from reality
  • Thoughts of self-harm, severe hopelessness, or safety concerns

Seeking professional guidance is not a sign of failure—it is an important step in caring for your physical and emotional well-being as you process profound loss.

How grief impacts sleep

Let’s make something clear: You don’t “get over,” or “move on” from, an important loss. The loss will change your life forever, so it’s best to make sure you understand there is no stopwatch running on your particular experience. 

Adjusting to the loss takes time—sometimes a very long time—as you move through the grief process and eventually find a way to carry on. It takes effort to do that, and it can be tough when you sometimes may not even feel like moving.

Losing someone dear means you need to find new ways to take care of yourself—and sleep is one of the parts of everyday life that’s likely to require some focused effort.

The cause of a loved one’s death can play a big role in the grief of those left behind. A suicide death, for example, can be particularly traumatic for survivors, compounded by stigma that can make it hard to reach out to others for support.

Losing a spouse is another big sleep disruptor. In fact, this particular loss may be the most likely to cause insomnia. Studies by Rice University and Northwestern University have found that people who were recently widowed were two to three times more likely to experience inflammation because of sleep disturbances. Inflammation has been tied to increased risk of cardiovascular and other negative physical effects.

Losing a parent is a rough experience for people of any age, though research shows younger children are more at risk for depression and other side effects after one of their parents has passed away. An estimated one in 20 children under age 15 will develop mental health issues after losing a parent during their childhood years.

Grief manifests itself in all sorts of physical and emotional ways. Many report feeling new aches and pains or generally feeling tired and having less energy.

“All of these symptoms,” writes Carolyn Burke at SleepAdvisor.org, “are not only partially caused by sleep deprivation, they also make getting to sleep even harder. It’s a vicious cycle that leads to the most common effect of grief on sleep: insomnia.”

Eleanor Haley, writing for the What’s Your Grief blog, lists these reasons a griever may have a hard time sleeping after a death:

• Intrusive thoughts
• Worries and anxieties about stressors that have occurred as a result of the death
• Bad dreams
• Anxiety about having bad dreams
• Trouble sleeping in the bed they shared with their partner
• Disorders like depression, insomnia, and PTSD

Grief manifests itself in all sorts of physical and emotional ways. Many report feeling new aches and pains or generally feeling tired and having less energy.

Although grief typically begins to subside within the first six months after the trauma, people whose grief experiences don’t seem to lessen are potentially at risk for what is called “complicated grief,” “traumatic grief,” or “prolonged grief syndrome.” 

An estimated 7-20% of those coping with a loss experience the additional challenges of grief that continue to be immediate and intense. People who’ve had a difficult time dealing with earlier losses in particular may require extra help in coping with grief.

In short, grief and sleep loss can become locked in a vicious cycle where grief causes sleep problems and those sleep problems exacerbate the grief. 

Kristi Hugstad, grief recovery specialist and host of “The Grief Girl,” writes in HuffPost, “Sleep is crucial for healing—both emotionally and physically, and it’s important to remember that grief can be as physically debilitating as it is emotionally.”

How to sleep better when you’re grieving

Hugstad offers these tips for helping you get a good night’s sleep if you’re grieving:

• Prepare the bedroom for sleep by making sure it’s cool and dark.
• Talk to your doctor and get a complete blood panel to make sure there are no deficiencies that could be causing sleep problems.
• Stick to a regular bedtime and wake-up routine.
• Avoid alcohol and caffeine after 3 p.m.
• Practice relaxation exercises before bed, such as yoga, breathing exercises, or meditation.

“Sleep is crucial for healing—both emotionally and physically, and it’s important to remember that grief can be as physically debilitating as it is emotionally.”

Santa Monica, Calif.-based grief therapist Sandra Jacoby Klein, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of Heavenly Hurts: Surviving AIDS-Related Deaths and Losses, says losing loved ones in the COVID-19 pandemic has had unique aspects that can complicate grief. 

These include isolation from in-person support systems (friends, relatives, therapists), being unable to be with the dying person, and fear of contagion if the ill person is living in the same house. Of course, there is also the potential for economic insecurity and disruption of routines and life events.

Klein shares a few special tips for those experiencing complicated grief :

• Talk to the person who died before you try to sleep. Write down in a pre-sleep notebook your thoughts of what you want to tell, or discuss with, your departed loved one. This takes the thoughts out of your head and reduces the likelihood of intrusive thoughts keeping you awake.
• Have an item that belonged to the deceased with you in bed.
• Visualize a favorite place or activity that made you feel close to your loved one and comforted.

FAQs

Why does grief make it so hard to sleep?

Grief triggers a sustained stress response, causing elevated cortisol levels and continuous physical hyperarousal. Intrusive memories, anxious thoughts about the future, changing routines, and nighttime loneliness further disrupt your circadian rhythm, making both falling and staying asleep difficult.

Is sleep loss from grief a sign of complicated grief?

Not necessarily. Sleep disruption is a very common part of the acute grieving process. However, if severe insomnia, night terrors, or intense emotional despair persist continuously beyond six months without gradual improvement, it may indicate prolonged grief disorder (complicated grief) and warrant professional care.

Can grief cause nightmares and bad dreams?

Yes. During periods of trauma and profound loss, your brain actively attempts to process intense emotional pain during REM sleep. This processing often manifests as vivid dreams, distressing nightmares, or anxiety about going to sleep.

Should I take sleeping medication when grieving a loss?

You should consult a healthcare provider before starting any medication or sleep aid. While short-term medical interventions can sometimes help stabilize severe sleep loss, long-term reliance on sleeping pills without medical oversight can mask symptoms rather than helping your body and mind work through grief.

The bottom line on grief and sleep loss

Whether or not your grief experience is complicated, you can expect it to take time to move past the shock and trauma of losing a loved one and re-frame your life without your dearly departed.

While poor sleep is a common feature of grief, remember there are things you can do to improve your sleep even as you grieve.

By taking these steps to enjoy a good night’s sleep, you’ll give yourself the best chance possible to stay emotionally well even as you live through this difficult experience.

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of trauma. Learn about the role sleep plays in keeping you resilient.