When it comes to new relationships, love is in the air and under the sheets. However, sharing a bed with a new partner may not be as dreamy as it sounds.
Most of us crave intimacy and closeness, but we all have our unique sleep styles and routines we’ve grown accustomed to. You may be willing to relinquish control of the television remote, but compromising your sleeping habits makes you cranky when it comes to getting your beauty rest.
Couples who sleep together may enjoy anxiety relief, a sense of safety, and better sex lives as a result of sharing a bed; however, many partners find they’re not on the same page (or under the same blanket) when it comes to getting adequate rest. For budding relationships, there are often two bedrooms to negotiate.
Here’s how new couples can sleep soundly in the same bed while strengthening their ability to have honest conversations and meet each other somewhere in the middle of a mattress.
How to share a bed with a new partner
We spoke with two relationship experts who shared their best tips for sharing a bed with a new partner.
1. Find the right bedroom temperature
One of the most common issues is the hot versus warm sleeper. Some need the windows down and blankets off, while others are bundled under flannel sheets and wear fleece-lined pajamas.
Jodie Milton, a relationship and intimacy coach, says the cold sleeper gets priority here. “For a good night’s sleep, men tend to need a colder room temperature than women,” she explains. “An extra blanket on her side of the bed is an easier fix than a hot, stuffy room.” This may be a non-issue for same-sex couples.
2. Follow a nighttime routine as a pair
You both love romcoms and sushi, but your sleep schedules may not be simpatico. Some people are wired to wake up with the roosters, while others need to roll out of bed before sunrise to get to work on time. This is when a mutually agreeable sleep routine becomes necessary.
Even if you need to go to bed at different times, “It’s nice to have a good night routine that you do together,” says Milton. “You might get into bed and cuddle for five minutes, share something you each enjoyed about your day, and then one of you goes to sleep while the other person stays up to read for 30 minutes.”
3. Slip into comfortable PJs
Getting comfy in a new bed, especially at the beginning of a relationship, can be anxiety-provoking. From sleeping on a new mattress to learning that your partner snores, everything is new and not yours.
If you’re the one sleeping over, sexologist and couples therapist Sofie Roos, suggests making your partner feel as comfortable as possible in their new surroundings.
“Not everyone is comfortable sleeping with a new partner in light or no clothing the first time,” she says. “If you’re about to sleep at their place for the first time, I strongly suggest bringing comfortable clothes that you can sleep in, for example, trainers, a T-shirt, or soft pants.”
4. Get separate blankets
Your beloved goose-filled duvet cover may be too hot, too cold, or too bulky for your partner. Some people sleep with a fitted sheet, while others toss it out when they buy a new sheet set.
Often unbeknownst to them, there are some of us who give a good fight to steal most or all of the bedding. Separate and extra blankets can easily resolve these issues.
5. Adapt your sleep habits as needed
Relationships take work and require honest communication and compromise. As you learn more about your partner—and their sleeping style and routine—the key is to adapt and adjust while still getting your needs met.
“Be flexible and willing to adjust as you go along, and if something isn’t working for you, talk about it openly and honestly so you can find a solution together,” says Milton. “It’s a learning process that requires cooperation and compromise.”
FAQs
How do you share a bed for the first time?
When sharing a bed with someone for the first time, you should communicate openly and create a comfortable space for both of you. It’s important to express your sleep needs and listen to theirs.
Small gestures like cuddling can help ease any anxiety. You may need to compromise on sleep habits to ensure both of you feel secure and well-rested.
Why do I struggle to share a bed?
We all develop our own habits and sleep routines that work for us. Subconsciously, we may also be worried that these differences can be dealbreakers in a new relationship, which can lead to restless nights.
For some, sleeping in separate beds is a healthy choice, and others find greater intimacy by making adjustments and creating new habits with their partner.
Whether we’re sleeping or wide awake, relationships are all about compromise. It’s all about making those decisions together so that each person is heard and well-rested.
What’s the best mattress for couples? Check out our guide to choosing the right mattress for you and your partner.
